urge to destroy things
crazy emotions today
on the road
Today I was sitting at my desk at work and was setting an alarm on my phone for later to remind myself to set out my electric bill for my boyfriend because he needs a bunch of paperwork. I was in the middle of writing a story about jessica simpson’s swimsuit.
Then I saw this old alarm on my phone. 9:30pm Dad’s bday. I don’t remember why I had it on there. Maybe I had to wrap a present? Call him? I don’t remember, but what had served as a reminder last year did its job a second time. It reminded me that dad is gone.
So as I cried discreetly at my desk, I pondered all the ways I could get away from everything — the electric bills, the reminders, the meaningless celebrity gossip. I thought I could take my life on the trail, buy a covered hammock and just walk. And then I thought that I could take my dad’s van on the road. Drive it around the country. Live in it. Maybe I would be happier in there.
when you try not to have an attitude but you just to