I’m both terrified and excited for what’s to come. Gotta work hard.


lucid blog

People who drink soy milk = get the fuck over yourselves

I know three real people who read my Tumblr. Three people I know. Maybe five. But I post really personal stuff on here. It’s really comforting to me and lets me get stuff out. I am trusting you guys.

For all the other strangers, I like having a place where I can just talk openly, and maybe some people are listening, and maybe some people aren’t.

I’d like to keep my Tumblr because the archiving is great. I’ve learned so much about myself on here in the past four or so years. I know I mostly post sad stuff on here, but a lot of times I’m happy.

I don’t know what the purpose of this writing is, but if you know me, keep this to yourself, and if you don’t know me, hopefully, we can find some sort of community in each other. We aren’t alone.

de-preciated:

IMG_4106.jpg by Wim Hoek on Flickr.

I want to hug it and then swim underneath to check out its scary belly

Walking to the greenhouse with two purple petunia plants,
I’d cared for them with good intention.
Righteously, she ripped them from my hands.
“I’ll take care of these.” How was I to know?

The flowers bobbed curiously as she carried them to the cart.
The other annuals waited obliviously…

urge to destroy things

crazy emotions today

on the road

Today I was sitting at my desk at work and was setting an alarm on my phone for later to remind myself to set out my electric bill for my boyfriend because he needs a bunch of paperwork. I was in the middle of writing a story about jessica simpson’s swimsuit.

Then I saw this old alarm on my phone. 9:30pm Dad’s bday. I don’t remember why I had it on there. Maybe I had to wrap a present? Call him? I don’t remember, but what had served as a reminder last year did its job a second time. It reminded me that dad is gone.

So as I cried discreetly at my desk, I pondered all the ways I could get away from everything — the electric bills, the reminders, the meaningless celebrity gossip. I thought I could take my life on the trail, buy a covered hammock and just walk. And then I thought that I could take my dad’s van on the road. Drive it around the country. Live in it. Maybe I would be happier in there.